Becoming a Mother.

It’s such a strange feeling knowing that by September this year, I’ll be a Mother.

I don’t know if you can ever be ready to have a child. Jordan and I have wanted kids ever since we met, with the exception of changing my mind a few times because I was so worried about the kind of world I would be bringing a child into. I still think about that all the time and to be honest the world scares me right now, and I already feel worried, but I guess we need to bring children into the world who have the potential to help save it.

In the past 14 weeks I have had more anxiety than ever, as I think about how small our house is, how our spare room is currently the Seer & Wilde stock room and office, and how that will have to be transformed into something that accommodates both. I feel more worried than ever financially, and if I can sustain Seer & Wilde and help grow it while supporting our baby and their future at the same time.

I’ve spent the majority of the time wrapped around a toilet bowl which is why I have been so quiet lately. I also especially don’t like that my cravings are for high carb, meat products and donuts. I am always careful of how I eat, as well as not eating meat for over three years, so I’m feeling so out of sync with my body, and it’s such a strange feeling.

I knew my body would change, I just didn’t realise how quickly. I work out every day and eat well, however everything I put in my mouth seems to go directly to my thighs and stomach. I felt like my body was betraying me and I started to feel depressed.  I hadn’t seen my baby yet, so it almost didn’t seem real, so I kind of felt disconnected from it.

So many Mothers have told me about their struggles after baby comes. Their struggles with their bodies and mentally holding it together. However, I haven’t really heard about the mental and physical struggles while pregnant. Is it just me? Or is this a hidden secret? I keep hearing it should be the happiest days of my life and to just enjoy it, yet my inner voice is tormenting me about my body and my mental capability. I am having to work really hard to shut her out and would love to know if this is common? And if any of you have gone through something similar?

After my first scan and seeing our wee baby growing in my tummy, seeing these little fingers and toes, it filled me with so much love and joy. I already want to nurture and protect it. To love it with every inch of me. That the struggles are worth it. The thought of meeting our baby is almost overwhelming.

So I lay on my Shakti mat every night and rub Sleepy lotion all over my body and feet (by the way, Sleepy lotion from Lush will change your life if you are struggling to sleep at night) I take deep breathes and try push my stresses as far away as possible, as well as accept my body is sick because it is giving everything I have to help grow our child. I also need to start being kinder to myself, mentally, and understand that as long as I look after myself my body will do exactly what it needs to do to grow our little peanut.

There are so many Mothers that shop with Seer & Wilde and they have always been inspiring and like super heroes to me. I would love to be able to talk about my journey with you all, as I am wanting to be very honest about my journey to Motherhood. A lot of Mothers have told me how tough it can be, and how they have struggled so much with negativity and pressures from other women (which completely blows my mind, as I thought when we were at our most vulnerable, women would band together and support each other, so I’m very confused why so many women feel like they are judged so much more once they become a Mother) That is against everything our community stands for, so I would love to share my story alongside other women, so we can all feel a little less alone, as well as shed some light for the future Mothers who follow Seer & Wilde.

If you would prefer I keep my Motherhood journey separate from the label, please let me know as I would be happy to just share it on my personal page. Seer & Wilde is about celebrating all women and being a Mother is a huge part of that.

I am not going to be misleading or pretend it’s something it’s not. I feel like too many women feel inadequate while they are pregnant due to social media and social pressures, but that’s not my style. Good and the bad, I’d love to share it with you. Watch this space. (unless you all vote no pregnancy chat, then this will be the last you hear of it)

Thanks for reading angels,

Much love, Ash x

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  • Hi Ash,

    It’s been a while! I just stumbled on your site yesterday when you posted your gorgeous yin and yang picture and I’m so glad I did! Your business is AWESOME and I absolutely love what you’re doing and what you stand for. It doesn’t hurt that the clothes are beautiful either – I’ll be back to this site for sure.

    I’ve just read a few of your blog posts too – I can relate to so much of what you’ve said and really admire you for being so honest about it. It’s so refreshing to hear someone talk so candidly, without all the rose-tint or the socially-programmed-shininess and whilst I’d never wish struggles on anyone, it’s also a reassuring to know there are others thinking/feeling the same things.

    I’m so so happy to hear your baby news too. What a lucky wee peanut to have such a lovely mumma.

    Anyway, just wanted to say (a long-winded) hi. And go you! And congrats!

    Jen xx

    • Jen Rowland